Parents Crossing the Line

When we first began to have children we took pictures....selectively.  Picture taking was an expensive proposition back in 1986.  You had to pay for the film and the developing.  If you had a bad picture that was your bad luck (or poor photography skills).  Many of the pictures I took back then are now faded and most of them are bad (okay, yes, I have poor photography skills....those skills all went to my sister) 

 

In 1995 or 1996 you could begin buying digital cameras which allowed one to take a picture, immediately look at it and delete it if it was bad.  Then, everyone got phones that could take pictures so there were even more pictures.  Now, we have phones that are really mini-computers that allow us to take a picture and instantly share it with our "friends" around the world via social media.  There are lots of really nice things about this arrangement.  I want to talk about one of the really bad things.

Not every picture we take should be taken and certainly not every picture we take should be shared.  In my work as a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) for foster kids, I went to a seminar for continuing education.  One part of that seminar was spent listening to two men from the District Attorneys office discuss Internet safety.  The quote that stuck out for me?  "Always assume that bad people are looking when you post anything to social media".  Facebook, MySpace, Pinterest, Twitter, Blogs, YouTube, Reddit, Snapchat....all of it (and maybe you've never heard of some of those) is dangerous.  Your selfie of you and your bestie can be sent around the world in seconds and seen by millions.  AND, once it's out there you can never, ever, ever get it back.  It's public.....for reals!

This leads me (finally) to the point of this blog.  Why would anyone put out an embarrassing picture of their kid?  You've seen it, I know you have....the kid half naked, the kid with a goofy face, the kid in a funny outfit, the kid doing something embarrassing, etc.  Sometimes people just aren't thinking about who's out there looking.  When you live a clean life and don't hang out with perverts you don't consider that the naked picture of your kid may be some person's ugly fantasy.  And, yes, I understand that any picture is fodder for someone ugly fantasy so you could overreact and never put a picture of your child on the 'net but then you would deprive Grandma of her joy. 

Just be cautious.  That's all I'm saying.  Be careful.  Look at the picture or video and ask yourself two important questions.  One, is this picture/video clean and wholesome for public consumption?  And, two, will my child hate me for posting this when he or she is 14?  If you can answer "yep" to the first and "nope" to the second then post away.  I'll probably "like" it and maybe comment. 

Parent overshare can be somewhat of an issue on Facebook (for more information on this phenom go to the blog "STFU, Parents"....google it, it's hilarious, but I'm warning you right now that the language is bad on the website....funny stuff/bad language).  All I'm asking is that you consider what you're sharing and don't share what shouldn't be shared.  Thanks for your attention.  If you'll excuse me I must get back to posting even more pictures of my daughters wedding.......

Some Things I Learned at My Daughter's Wedding

Well, she did it.  She went and got married.  She said she was going to do it.  We prepped and planned and paid (the three P's of a wedding).  On June 1st at 7:30 pm she and her dad walked down the aisle.  She married that boy she'd been bringing around and it was beautiful.  They were beautiful.  And, I learned some very important things.

 

First, I learned that it really didn't matter how prepared we were (or weren't), the time rolled around and she was walking down that aisle.  You do all you can to make it nice or elegant or good or whatever your criteria is but sooner or later you've done all you can do and it's happening.  There's a life lesson there if we pay attention.  Moments march on and inevitably you will find yourself in the critical moment, ready or not.  I'm thankful to several people who encouraged me to enjoy each moment.  "Live in this moment" was the best advice I was given as mother of the bride for it encouraged me to enjoy the day and not be too obsessed with tomorrow.  Life was packed with activities starting about 5 pm Thursday until about 2 am Sunday.  Being able to stop, sink into and enjoy the moment was priceless.

 

Second, I learned that if it takes a village to raise a child it takes a veritable city to pull off the wedding of my daughter's dreams.  So many people came together to make her dream come true and I am humbled and amazed by them all.  The photographer that she stalked since her freshman year in college, the DJ with the perfect music mix, the friends that stood with them, the brother and friend that sang for them, the brother that videoed them, the friends and family that came to celebrate with them, the wonderful family she married into that embraced and loved on her, the preacher and his perfect wedding ceremony, my sister and her trusty camera.  I could go on and on but you get my drift.  These are not things that you can do alone....planning, preparing, celebrating....all need the presence of others.

 

Third, I learned that I should trust my daughter more.  She had a vision and I really didn't get it.  I questioned her at nearly every turn. "Are you sure?"...."is this really what you want?"....."is this really going to work?"  were questions I asked her often.  She was confident and composed.  I discovered early on that she had two main attitudes about wedding decisions.  Either they mattered very much or not at all.  She knew what she wanted and she got it.....often despite me and my "help".  On the day of her wedding I saw that her vision was clear and realized.  The venue was beautiful and she was stunning.  The entire day was delightful and absolutely everything she had hoped it would be.   I should have trusted her more.

 

Last, I learned that you are never too old to listen to your mom.  The only glitch of the day, in my opinion, was this - at the reception there was no reserved seating for family.  My mom and I had been in that room earlier in the day and she noticed the problem.  Lots of beautiful tables and chairs....no reserved signs on any of them.  "Where is the family going to sit?" she asked and suggested that I ask someone to set out some reserved signs.  I thought this a good idea and intended to follow through but got distracted.  It never got done.  Family stayed after the ceremony to take pictures and the tables filled up with our guests.  I wish I had been more intentional about following through with my mom's suggestion.  You really are never too old to listen to your mom!

 

The last thing I want to say is for anyone reading this that has a child of any age.  Even though you are probably overwhelmed and exhausted by parenting take a moment to enjoy your kids.....time will seriously fly by and you'll be watching your child walk down the aisle.  I can tell you it's surreal and wonderful and bittersweet....all at the same time.