Have you read all the stuff running around the net about the Steubenville rapists, the verdict, and CNN's coverage of same? Well, if you haven't, let me set it up for you a bit.
Two high school students from Steubenville, Ohio were charged with sexually assaulting a classmate at a party. She was too intoxicated to stand up so they undressed her, assaulted her, took pictures and posted those pictures on their facebook pages with bragging updates. Other friends stood around taking pictures and video which also showed up on the Internet. It was the Internet that finally brought pressure to bear on the police and District Attorneys office to bring charges. Too many people screaming "cover up". The boys were charged in Juvenile Court. They are celebrated football players. Everyone involved is 16 or 17 years old.
CNN covered the verdict and that is where the controversy really gets interesting. The two (female) newscasters seemed very sympathetic to the rapists. The boys cried when the verdict was read and the newscaster felt bad for them. To quote Poppy Harlow, “I’ve never experienced anything like it, Candy. It was incredibly emotional, incredibly difficult even for an outsider like me to watch what happened as these two young men that had such promising futures — star football players, very good students — we literally watched as, they believe, their life fell apart."
Just to be clear, I feel bad for these kids.....all of them. Prison usually does not fix people. It often makes messed up people even more messed up. These boys likely won't get out of Juvie (at age 21) as well-adjusted men having a greater respect for women. That just typically doesn't happen. So, I feel bad for them. They messed up....badly, and they will pay the consequences. I feel badly for the victim. I don't even have to enumerate the reasons.
What I want to say about all of that is this: What kind of world do we live in where this is even remotely okay? Where are these kids parents? What kind of person does this to another person? What kind of people stand around, watch and do nothing? Those are my questions. Here are my thoughts.
1. We need to teach our children to be kind and compassionate. The victims mother stated that "compassion cannot be taught" but I strongly disagree. Compassion can be taught, it should be modelled and it has to be expected of our children.
2. We need to teach our children to be brave. There will be many times that they will need to step up and say something when someone is out of line. Helping our kids learn to do that right thing even when it is the hard thing will make the world a better place. It isn't always easy and we must help our kids to understand that John Wayne was right when he said, "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway."
3. We need to teach our children about sex. Yes, I said it, S-E-X. Did you know that a great number of teenagers do not believe that oral sex is sex? Maybe you don't believe that oral sex is sex but ask yourself this question: So, if it's not "sex" am I okay with my teenager doing it? We need to talk to our kids about sex. We need to discuss appropriate boundaries for themselves and others. We need to teach them to respect themselves and other's boundaries. You will regret letting peer groups and media define what is acceptable behavior.
4. We need to teach our children to see others as God sees others. This is especially difficult as we live in a culture that "objectifies women" (just google those two words if you don't believe me), preaches individualism (another google subject) and honors helicopter parenting (google it). God saw each person as a person of value (see Jesus healing of the woman with the bloody issue Mark 5:21-34). He expects us to love others as much as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:36-40). He expects us to take responsibility for our own actions (Galatians 6:7-10)
So, you may notice that I didn't say anything about teaching our boys not to be rapists (that would insult your intelligence) or teach our girls how not to be raped (that would insult mine....and I don't buy into the rape culture that blames the victim). What I DO say is we must teach our children....all of our children.....to love others, to be kind and compassionate, to be brave. Also, teach them about sex....yes, I said it again.
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