What does it mean to be a "Cameron"?

After reading the last post someone asked me "What does it mean to be a Cameron'?" That seems pretty self-explanatory to me but I could explain some.

When I was growing up I remember my mom saying, "Don't embarrass me!" (explanation point inferred by the tone of her voice or the situation we were in) I knew that meant that what ever I did, I was not to have my mom feel shame regarding me or my actions. That meant something to me. My mom is a small woman who is southern to the core. Manners (good ones) and decorum are important. We were raised to be polite and respectful children. It seems to me that we (my siblings and I) continue to be polite and respectful in most situations. My parents have 14 grandchildren, ages 23 - 3, and they are much the same. My parents values rubbed off on me and I infected my children with them.

So, this is what it means to be a Cameron. You are frequently reminded of whose child you are....and in case you don't know, you are God's child. You know that your actions reflect upon the rest of us. In so far as your able, you do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. You are polite to those who serve you and you bus your table in a fast food place. Your dad tells corny jokes and makes up silly words to songs, your mom doesn't cook much and your siblings will be quarrelsome on occasion but there is love and respect aplenty. Your differences are valued as are your opinions. There's more but you get the drift.

Your family has these kinds of attitudes/values/dogma....call it what you like. If you really want to impress them upon your kids hearts then identify them and talk about them. Often. If you ask one of my kids "What does it mean to be a Cameron?" I'd bet they'd say a lot of that stuff above. Try it and see. I'd be interested to hear what they have to say.
Kathy

Is "Teenager" a Bad Word?

One day I was driving down the street with my four small children in the car and one of them asked me a rather surprising question. He said, "Mommy, is teenager a bad word?" I guess I'd been driving around snarling "teenager" at every bad driver I came upon. The way I pronounced the word made it sound bad. That was before I had teenagers.

At this juncture I have to say that I have not had bad teenagers. At 23, 21, 19, and 17 I admit that I'm not completely out of the woods, but I'm close. I can see the edge of the treeline, certainly, and I can say that they are really good kids. So, how did this happen? Here is what I think.

We started when they were very young. When the baby was born, the oldest was only 5, so we were outnumbered and overwhelmed. Survival required clear rules and consistent boundaries. We paid close attention to what we said and what they did and we required obedience. As they got older, we loosened our grips a bit. They knew what we expected and they pretty much delivered, needing fewer reminders of the rules and boundaries. Because we had been clear and consistent when they were young, they were able to manage the boundaries themselves as they got older. They knew what it meant to be a Cameron and they didn't disappoint.

As they grew we began to see them as individual people with worth all their own. They aren't mini-me's or meant to robotically obey our every command. We value them for who they are and what they bring to the table that is our family. Today they live (three of them away at college) and move within the broader values that we established when they were very young. Although they are becoming independent, they are still an integral part of our family even today; apart but still a part if you know what I mean.

Sometimes it feels as though we've arrived at this wonderful place with our children in a serendipitous way. We're not sure how we got here or how they turned out so wonderful. On the other hand, there must be something to what we did and that is what I want to share. Our goal was to raise children who would become Godly, independent and joyful. As best as I can figure it we began with the end in mind.

Kathy

Parenting is not for weaklings

"Be the parent" is the best parenting advice I can give. So many people don't want to do what it takes to "be the parent". What does that mean? Well, in practice, it means that you are clear and precise about what they should do and you are willing to do what it takes to get them to do it. That is a very long sentence so let me give you a scenario.

I'm walking down the street and there is a woman walking behind me. Her child runs ahead so that I am between the mother and the child as we walk. The child is approaching a street and the mom, in a very soft and uncertain voice says, "stop and wait for me". The child, of course, keeps running. The mom begins to move a bit quicker and says a bit louder, "I said stop and wait for me." I move to the side so she has room to get to the child but that's not necessary because she isn't making an effort to get there. She just continues to beg the child to stop running. She even adds the word "please". Becoming more and more ineffective as she begs the child to stop. He finally stops at the curb; not because he is listening but because he has been trained not to run out in the street and for this I am thankful. It would have been bad to see that precious child smeared on the street while his mother pleaded with him to stop. So, what would I like to see happen?

Kid runs down the sidewalk. Mom assertively and with forcefulness says, "STOP RIGHT NOW". When kid doesn't stop, mom runs ahead and grabs him getting down on his level and in his face saying, "you must always listen for my voice and obey me." Big hugs all the way around and hand holding as they cross the street.

Step up and be the parent!

Grateful Children

I don't believe it is news to anyone that we live a blessed existence. Even with the economic "crisis" we live in the most economically advantaged country in the world. We throw away more food in one day than many people eat in a week. There is an upside and a downside in this for our children.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs states that a primary need for humans is safety and security. Our children benefit from plentiful food and a roof over their heads. It is especially important to meet these needs when children are very small and foundations for a healthy adulthood are being set. In this sense abundance is a blessing.

On the other hand, abundance (and especially overabundance) can cause some very unhealthy outcomes for our kids. A sense of entitlement is very unattractive. Materialism and ungratefulness are also common results. How do we give our children what they need and want while maintaining a sense of gratefulness on their part? How do you do this without inducing guilt?

There are several things a parent can do and, as usual, it starts with you! Your example is critical. Expressing your thankfulness everyday will model for your children. Be thankful, out loud, to God for all of your blessings. Sharing your abundance is another way to help your children learn to be grateful. Have them sift through their toys and donate some to a shelter. Bring cans of food to church for the Hands of Christ pantry. Write a letter to a shut-in. Go to www.anysoldier.com for ideas on how to encourage a soldier. Anything that encourages them to think beyond themselves will encourage an attitude of gratefulness.

Once again, and I know I say it often, your example of gratefulness is one of the most important gifts you can give your children.

Kathy