I remember a Christmas several years ago (and I'm sure my boys could tell you which one) our children wouldn't declare which new video game system they wanted. I don't even remember which two companies upgraded their systems but we bought both thinking we would take one back when the boys declared which one they wanted. We kept both systems. (I wanted to be a 'video game free home' but was outvoted.....a topic for another post) I can honestly say that we owned every video game system every created....even a Sega Dreamcast which was only in production from 1999 - 2001. A sorry state of affairs. I tell you these things so that you don't think we were perfect parents when it came to raising children without the "Gimmes". We absolutely were not! Our children had as much as the neighbor kids and wanted more, just like every other kid. They totally wanted to keep up with the Jones!!But that isn't what I wanted for my kids and one day I showed them the front page of the newspaper where there was a picture of a starving child. That was a tough day....for them and me. It was a spur of the moment thing. They were all in Elementary School and the moment seemed right. Here is the dilemma....I don't want my children to feel guilty for their blessings...I want them to feel blessed. I want that feeling of being blessed to compel them to do good works and give back. I want them to care about others and for that sense of care to cause them to act. I don't want them to feel entitled to blessings. I want them to appreciate the blessings and share those blessings out of a sense of abundance. These are not natural things for children who are, by nature, self centered and ego centric. You have to find a way for them to understand these things.
Some practical ideas? Put a blanket in your car and the next time you pass a person panhandling on the corner give them the blanket. Talk to your kids about homeless people. Why might they be homeless? (please, please, please, don't buy into and perpetrate stereotypes about homeless people taking advantage of the government dole.....most of them are trying to live better lives) What can we do to help? We have much so is there something we can share? Can we pray for that person on the corner?
Talk to your children about organizations such as Save the Children or Heifer International or International Rescue Committee (one my son worked for). These organizations take your donations and do real things with them....buy a cow, pay for school, feed people. Tell you children that one of their gifts will be a donation.....then do it! Buy one less gift and give the money you would have spent to a charity. Charity Navigator is a good place to check out charities that spend their money wisely.
Don't give them everything they want. Don't buy into the notion that you are responsible for their happiness and their happiness is dependent upon what they get. None of that is true. Give them what they need.....love, shelter, safety, acceptance, discipline, more love. Giving them everything they want is not what is best for them. Some things about parenting are hard and this is one of them. Leave some things on their list....I was fortunate that there were always several things on my kid's lists that were never going to happen (sorry, Taylor, you are never getting an iguana as long as you live in my house) and still we looked for things that could be left un-bought.
Look at your own spending habits. Do you exhibit signs of the "gimmes"? Are you teaching your kids that you must have everything you want...right when you want it? Are you giving....sharing....and thinking outside of your own self? What are you modelling? That is the real question because what you are doing says far more than what you are saying.
NEXT: Kids & Christmas: Lies
No comments:
Post a Comment