Kids & Christmas: Part 5 - Givers

We wanted to raise givers.  We wanted our children to be compassionate givers....giving of their time and attention and love and money and talents.  So many people are "takers" or "consumers" in the world and we wanted our kids to be different.  For the most part I think we've succeeded. Our kids aren't perfect, by any means.  They are as imperfect as their parents (and in many of the same ways, unsurprisingly).  But, on the whole, they are loving and compassionate people.   Looking back on our parenting I think there were some things we did that helped. 

We gave.  We gave our money - at church, to the Salvation Army guy at WalMart, to every girl scout and boy scout that sold us cookies or raffle tickets, at our Christian School fund raisers, and lots of other places where people were in need.  We gave our stuff - Paralyzed Veterans Association and Houston Achievement Place must have us on speed dial for all the clothes and stuff we give away.  Food from our pantry was often taken to church for Hungry Homer (the food barrels used to be called that, if you can imagine it)....and not food they  hated.  We had them pick out something they liked.  What good is it to give away something you would never eat anyway?  We gave our time.  Because of my job at the church (Children and Families Minister) we spend a lot of time at church doing various things....setting up for events, doing events, cleaning up from those events, teaching Bible classes, coordinating children's worship....you name it and if it had to do with kids we did it and, more often than not, we did it as a family.  We dragged our kids along as we gave of our time.  Now that they are grown and in serious relationships we drag their significant others along as well (I'm not even going to apologize, Maribeth and Grant, I'm just going to say "thanks").  We gave and our kids participated in that giving.

We didn't give them everything they asked for.  American psychologist, Abraham Maslow, is famous for his "Hierarchy of Need" pyramid.  Basic needs are the base - food, air, water, sleep, pooing.  Other needs build on that base and create, at the top, a self-actualized real person that other people want to be around (that should be your goal as a parent, by the way....to raise people other people want to be with)  We paid attention to this handy pyramid and noted that nowhere on it does it say "the latest toy everyone else has" or "everything they desire".   I suppose it was fortunate that we had four kids...we couldn't have possibly given them everything they wanted because we couldn't afford everything they wanted.  We were forced, by economics, to pick and choose.  I realize that would have been harder to do if we had only one or two kids.

We expected them to be generous people....with one another and with others.  When the kids received video game systems they were given to "the kids"...not to any one of them.  Individual games may be given to a child but those were intended to share and share alike.  The games and consoles were "family gifts" and everyone understood that generosity was expected.  We expected them to be generous with each other concerning their time and love and things.  They helped each other with homework and projects (which makes total sense when you consider their various gifts).  They shared toys and a room for many years.  We expected them to be generous in mercy and grace....four children (three of them boys) in five years required much mercy and grace on behalf of all six of us!  There were some tough times (and frankly a few holes in my memory) but now that they are 21, 23, 24, and 26 I can say that we did okay.  They are pretty good people....caring and compassionate and giving.  I'm pretty sure children aren't givers by nature and our culture doesn't exactly encourage giving of oneself.  If you want to raise children that give you must model giving and nurture a giving spirit. 

Let me close by saying....one more time....that my kids aren't perfect....in no way....but they are pretty good people.  They are people I believe other people want to be with (including me!) and that's a good thing.