Kids Will be Kids

I had an interesting experience tonight that reminds me that kids will definitely be kids. I had a small group of children at the church and we were watching a movie. There is a platform at one end of the room that is very tempting for the children to play around. I expended some energy telling them all to stay off of the platform but one precious little boy just could not resist. I reminded him several times to get off the platform and at one point called him over to me so I could get very close to his face, look him deeply in the eyes and sternly tell him not to get on the platform. The conversation went something like this:

"Please stay off the platform"
"okay"
"Don't even touch the platform"
"okay"

He promptly walked over to the platform and put his hand on it as he sat down. I was watching. I called his name and he came back over. The next conversation went something like this:

"What did Ms. Kathy just say?"
"Don't touch the platform"
"What did you just do?"
"I touched the platform"

Dude! I was at a loss for words for a second there. I had him sit in a chair next to me and he was perfect for the remainder of the evening. I was a bit baffled as to why he left me and did exactly what I told him not to do but then it occurred to me that we were engaged in the age old struggle of adults and children. This, after all, is not new under the sun.

This sweet boy was checking out the boundaries. Children don't always understand or agree with your instructions. They will disobey to see if the boundaries are firm and if you are going to enforce them. These thoughts led me to several observations about this struggle.

First, you should not etch out a boundary you are unwilling to enforce. When you give your child instructions and then don't follow up to see that you have been obeyed you teach them to disobey you. It's as simple as that. They can be taught, by you, that your words are not important.

Second, everything can't be boundary-ized. I know that's not a word but I don't know how else to say it. You don't need to make everything about obedience. There are perfectly good times to have some freedom from boundaries.

Third, it is developmentally appropriate for this child to do just what he did. It is his job to figure out the limits of what he can do. It is my job to watch carefully and lovingly help him see that he must obey. We both did our jobs well!

Kathy