In the movie "Back to the Future" Michael J. Fox travels back in time to the beginning of his parent's relationship. The movie begins with his parents having a not so great relationship. Fox's character effects some changes in their past which makes for a much improved relationship by movie's end. The point here is what we do in the present affects our future.
I bring this up because it occurred to me this morning that Jeff and I are in an incredibly sweet spot in our lives. I've posted about this before but let me say it again! We are almost to the point where we have each other, and only each other, back. Our youngest child is off to college this August. All four of our kids will be in college in the Fall and we'll have only each other. Think about it.....just him and me banging around in that big old house....just the two of us. No one else to buffer or consider as we live our daily lives.
If thinking about you and your spouse in this situation fills you with dread then you have some work to do. Never doubt that this day will come for you too. One day your children will grow up and leave home. Raising healthy, independent children should be one of the goals of parenting. They will leave and you will look at your spouse and say one of two things: "Yippee" or "Who the heck are you?" I over simplify the situation but you get my point.
Our relationship is almost like a third entity in our marriage. There is me, there is him and there is "us". We have been working on the "us" part for a while now. When our kids get irritated that we go out to eat alone we tell them "we're working on us". When we take a short vacation together without them we tell them "we're making us stronger". We've been "mom" and "dad" for so long and we are expending some energy finding our way back to "Kathy" and "Jeff". We'll always be mom and dad but we are very much looking forward to being Kathy and Jeff again.
So think about your future because it is coming sure as the sun rises and sets each day. Be proactive about your relationship. Reorder your priorities if necessary. Remember vows you made and how you felt when you made them. Look to your future and do today what needs to be done to ensure a happy outcome for happiness often does not occur by accident. More often it happens because we have worked really hard to ensure it!
Kathy
3 comments:
I LOVE thinking about Kerry and me when our kids have outgrown the nest. This was again reinforced to me about two weekends ago when we went on a triple date with some friends from church. Kerry and I had a BLAST: I had a blast being ME, Kerry had a BLAST being HIM, and WE had a BLAST being US, and there weren't any kids or diapers to stand in the way !It was so freeing; it took me back to those easy-going days in college when we were dating and the world was our oyster. It feels so good to know that that oyster is still out there and hasn't become rotten. I get excited thinking about how there is a honkin pearl inside just waiting to reveal itself when the last baby moves out! Oh, the fun we will have! (Gee, I hope this doesn't hurt my kids' feelings!)So Kathy, you make a good point. We have to be soooo very careful to safeguard the cornerstones of our families = our marriages.
Jeff and I used to say that whoever walked away from our marriage had to take the kids with them....
Also, I have often thought that I knew people who stayed with husbands they didn't especially like for the sake of the kids but I've never met another person, like me, who stays with kids I sometimes don't like for the sake of my man!! Not that I don't like them...I do! I love them! But, sometimes it gets a bit draining, you know? I don't think they will get any of that until they have kids of their own.
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