Do you ever outgrow your difficulties with your siblings? I have a friend who recently had a squabble with an older sibling and they are both grownups. My dad's sisters often have spats and they are in their 70's and 80's. My kids, in their 20's, recently had a disagreement.
I think there are many reasons for this. Primarily, we tend to fall back into the old patterns of our childhood when we are with our family. The oldest tends to be a bit bossy, the baby tends to seek attention and the middle child just wants everyone to get along. Add the stress of illness, big celebration or a holiday and these old patterns can cause conflict. I speak in generalities but if you examine your family dynamics I think you'll see what I'm talking about.
So, what's a person/parent to do? As a parent I would say...stay out of it!! Especially if your kids are grown, or nearly so, as mine are. They have to learn to deal with each other and my interference isn't going to help. I encourage them to be kind and respectful of one another and I individually encourage them by letting them know that I love them. They are unique individuals with their own strengths and weaknesses. They must learn to get along with others for that is something they will do all of their lives.
As a person, member of a family just like everyone else's, I have much the same advice. Be kind, respect one another and remember that we all have strengths and weaknesses. It is our uniqueness that makes us interesting and fun. And let me get on my most oft used soapbox one more time: your kids are watching!! How you treat your family is going to teach them about how families should treat one another.
Kathy
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