Is He Dragging You?

I saw this on someone's facebook page yesterday (sorry, can't remember who...you'll discover why if you keep reading).  It made me laugh out loud.  Not LOL...like virtual laughing but literally laughing out into the silence....out loud. 

I think it made me laugh because of some struggles I've been having of late.  He's been dragging me and I just hadn't recognized it or been grateful for it.  I would like to rectify that. 

Recognition Phase:  If you are not a woman in the middle part of your life you may not get this.  It's difficult for me to admit it but I've been having some....."issues" (think air quotes here).  I've been anxious and jumpy.  I haven't been sleeping....I have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep.  I wake up tired (duh!).  I'm a bit foggy in my thinking and I weep for no reason.  The worst is I feel like ripping someone's head off....not anyone in particular, just anyone will do (I actually feel rather cheery about this).  I finally admitted one day that my emotions had shrunk to a range of two - crying and rage.  This is not a happy place to be and it isn't especially pleasant for those who have to live with me.  No surprise there, either.  I took myself to a doctor who performed some tests, made some recomendations and is organizing a plan of treatment that is holistic and organic (along with some really good drugs).  I expect to be better any day now.

Grateful Phase:  It goes without saying (although I AM saying it) that I am grateful to my husband for putting up with me for the last six weeks or so.  He has lived with my snarky/don't touch me/quick give me a hug/weepy/angry/anxious self and he has been incredibly patient and loving.  I married a good man.   My kids are mostly out on their own so they aren't suffering as much although I did have an epic battle with my daughter one day that surpassed anything we ever experienced while she was a teenager at home.  Bless her heart, she was so baffled by her crazy-acting mom....and me?  I just couldn't seem to stop the insanity.  Fortunately she has enough of her dad in her to forgive and love me.  My co-workers have suffered (you know who you are, Van) and my friends have only done marginally better as I've largely ignored everyone as a mechanism to save friendships I cherish.   I have a lot to be grateful for!!

However, most of my gratitude is for God.  Even though He is the one that created this body that is aging and falling apart, He is also the one that promises to strengthen me, give me rest and never be separated from me.  He saves me.....on many levels and in many ways.  It seems that I rarely walk beside him (as the trite little story goes).   More often he carries me and sometimes he drags me....kicking and screaming or limp from weariness.  I'll take his love and care any way I can get it.  Thank you, Lord!!!